I have been reading the works of English wordsmith George Orwell. The first thing we need to remember about Orwell is that he shielded himself - despicably - with a pseudonym. His real name - which he used in his career as a stand-up comedian, much in the mould of my good friend Andrei Marr - was Ernie Blair.

Several of "Orwell"'s books are thinly disguised attacks on horticulture. "1984" is a bleak vision of a future without hostas or verbena, while "Animal Farm" uses a fable about a group of lawyers sharing a house to satirise the reign of terror instituted by Tony Blair's "New Libel" party of our own times. Prescient or what?

And notice the similarity in names: "Blair" is almost identical to "Blair".

Investigated playing the WOMAD festival, under the illusion that it was about "weapons of mass destruction". How bitterly disappointed I was to learn that it is simply a gathering of diverse musicians under the leadership of Peter "the great" Gabriel. Though I can still blow a mean accordian, I have difficulty with blasting caps - so I would not be much use at such an event. Shame.